These are the People in your Raid.
The Raid —
You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.
- Note: Overlaps WILL occur with these groups, and there may be more than one of the same category. Count your lucky stars or swear profusely depending on what you have.
He’s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.
The GM's Significant Other
Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Blood Elf or Night Elf.
The Heir Apparent
When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you're the guy the guild is gonna look to to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can't decide if ritual suicide or being the new gm would be more painful.
The Raid Leader
When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.
The Positive Officer
The Negative Officer
“Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See drunks, below.
The Passive-Aggressive Negative Officer
After every wipe, S/He begins to comment on what went wrong and how the raid can fix it. S/He beings by making some overly inclusive statement ("Healers, you've GOT to...", "DPS, you NEED to...", "Tanks, TRY to...", etc.), but then s/he slips in a class specific ability (when you are the only one the have that ability/the other people with that ability are much better than you), or references the area where YOU were suppose to be standing. You know s/he just singled you out, the raid knows it, the other officers know it, and the guildies who were leveling their alts know it. Oddly, s/he only seems to whisper you when things have gotten REALLY bad. Which should be good, because no one else heard it, but is somehow much, much worse. S/He is probably related to the elitist, and if s/he is not the GM, s/he is probably the true leader of the raid/guild. Meaning you can't fight back. You may gquit when it gets too bad.
The Healing Officer
Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.
Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently. In WoTLK this is also applicable to the death knight class lead.
The Sleeping Giant
Usually the GM. Is a nice guy most of the time, somewhat tolerant of the Stoners and Drunks (if only because the raid would collapse without them), but should someone cross the line once too many times he will not hesitate to pull out the gkick.
The Faction Leader
When you first joined, he was a high ranking (lower ranked officer or higher ranked grunt), well respected member of the guild. He worked his way up and soon became the highest ranking member behind the GM. Still well liked and well respected. Knew his stuff really well. He could tell a noob tank how to tank even though he's never tanked in his life. Then, he leaves, and over the next few days he and a noticeable percentage of the guild leave. From high ranking officers, to people going through their two week initiation they /gquit. Where do they go? Wherever this guy goes. Be it another guild on your server, or starting fresh with their own guild with this guy as the GM. Why did they leave? Well, that depends. How close where you to this guy or his closest comrades? If you were "in the circle", you get the whole truth. If you aren't, it was time to move on to different things. Either way, you're invited to come along, and now you must see where your loyalties lie. Usually, you go where most of your friends have gone.
Truth be told, there are many faction leaders in large guilds. Ranging from a small group of people who like to do 5 mans or battlegrounds together, to large coalitions capable of forming a brand new raiding guild. You might be a faction leader and never realize it. Until your loyalties are put on the line, and you jump ship to the new guild, and several people follow you.
He's got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters is preventing him from seeing the volcano he's pathing towards. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.
Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also the Chick With The Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.
Is aware of the minor exploit that would provide the edge you need for victory, if only you would listen to him. Never mind that the exploit was fixed five patches ago, H4XXman's friend just used it last week. After each wipe, H4XXman will break the cold silence in Ventrilo with, "I'm telling you guys, if we hop onto the ledge, the adds will bug."
The guy who'd rather be playing arena right now. 95% of the time he doesn't know why he joined the guild in the first place. Typically he/she is very slack and doesn't really care about what happens in the raid, as long as you get through it quick. Asks frequently "How long is this going to take?". Becomes restless after approximately the fifth trash pull, and becomes disgruntled after 45 minutes, upon hearing the raid is only 1/4 of the way through the dungeon. Often makes up excuses on why he can't join the raid. If the raid wipes he rarely runs back and pretends to have gotten a very important phone call. Too many wipes can make this guy rage.
The Gay Guy
Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key. Occasionally passes on gear due to the appearance. May frequently mention their "roomie" or "friend" as a subtle way of talking about their boyfriend without the more homophobic guildies getting offended. Is a favorite of the female officer, usually the GM's SO. Is often seen as a bad influence on Small Fry--not because he's blatantly homosexual, but because he often brings up facts that give other guildies talking points for the next hour.
The Happy Couple
Exchange cute comments in guild chat, despite sitting five feet away from each other in their living room. The Happy Couple will mercilessly double-team unsuspecting victims during guild disputes. If the raid leader raises an issue with the performance of Mrs. Priest, Mr. Paladin will make his presence known in defense of his lover, and vice-versa. More commonly seen in Alliance guilds than Horde guilds, though the situation is often badly magnified with Horde guilds since they will both probably be BEs.
The Miserable Couple
Speak to each other in-game more often than in real life. Have attended more raids together than dinner dates. When one member messes up, the other will laugh their ass off.
The sound of children not being attended to is audible in Ventrilo.
The Attractive Female
Manufactures 1000ish DPS night after night, yet is an unshakable fixture on your raid's roster. You're secretly bitter about this. Almost undoubtedly an Elf, though she may be a curvaceous Human, draenei, or possibly even a Forsaken.
She's so terrible and vain and thinks she's so great and... Oh, man she has such a cute voice in Vent! Oh, wait, she just made an inside joke in guild chat, let me make it clear how funny I thought it was. I wonder if she'd give me her Facebook?
BRB, I'm going to look at the picture she posted on the forums for the fourth time this week.
The Stay At Home Mom
She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” Well liked, but frequently muted.
Has a microphone, though claims not to, he hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.
If there is a monster or boss that can mindcontrol people, he is always the one who gets picked and then goes after a clothie. It has gotten to the point that people have put together macro's to automatically target and CC the guy. Sometimes, it gets so bad that the group will just kill the poor guy and be done with it.
Often a member of the Stoners or Drunks, possibly even the accountant still trying to play despite 16-hour workdays. Usually plays a DPS class involving spamming 1 spell/action. Almost never in the top 10 in DPS so no one notices that he's still in the boss room that was cleared 45 minutes ago.
This person lives to bring down once happy guilds through well timed whispers and in game mail. No insult, real or imaginary goes unnoticed and he is more than willing to explain just what what was said about you or another player in great detail just in case you missed it. This guy usually has some sort of master plan to bring down the guild leader and his officers or wants you to quit the guild and join his guild, the one he plans to make. You might as well join his guild right? Since everyone in your current guild hates you, at least that what The Instigator would have you believe.
Definitely not a stoner or drunk--but he's on something. Is constantly hopping around. 6 hours and he's still bouncing. Has been known to bounce off a ledge/pathway or into mobs on occasion. Often a top 3 DPSer and resident vent comedian.
He knows his class, knows the game, and always shows up to raids, but is generally unpleasant and often rubs his guildmates the wrong way. If you ask him to do something he doesn't want to do (heal as a priest/drood/shammy/pally instead of DPS, tank as a warrior instead of DPS, kite as a hunter instead of... DPS) he'll do it, but he'll complain endlessly the entire time and opt out the first chance he gets. Assign him to shoot down ice against Anub'arak, kill whelps while Onyxia is flying, or hack down Marrowgar's bone-spikes, and he'll open up a prepared speech about how someone else should do it. He'll bid on minor upgrades even when someone else could use it more, but hey, he's got the DKP, and the raid doesn't want to lose him because he's a good player. At least, he's a good player as long as he gets to DPS. See also: The Asshole.
At every miss pull, wipe, rebuff, OOM, wait at a summon, he will proclaim that this is Gay, that every other class with every other spec other than his is gay. Laughs at other peoples gear and calls it gay. Uses the word gay in almost every sentence he spouts forth. Plays a hunter, rogue, or a ret pally and is sometimes one of the many kinds of Kids Get him in the same group with The Gay Guy and your best cure is a bullet to the brain. On rare occasions, you'll have a girl calling everything gay. In this case, she's just doing it for attention; muting works well.
No matter what this guy does wrong will just respond with "LOL" Followed by some almost unreadable sentence saying how it was your fault and you need to learn your class better. E.G "l2ply nub, if u wer a gud tnk u wuldn't luse agro" or "LoL nub u shuld l2ply rougs do dps lots, uz moar taunts" Plays a rogue or hunter, sometimes a death knight.
The One-Hit Wonder
Can be any class, but most often a dps. Displays average raid performance-sometimes above, sometimes below, generally tending towards the latter, until one night he completely wtfpwns the healing/dps meter and merits a point of note on the guild website's news column. The raid is baffled, as is the player himself-often, he does not even realize what he did until he hears the officers yelling WTF (sometimes literally) on vent. Frequently invited to future raids in hopes of repeating his performance, but he returns to the sink of mediocrity once more. Generally a well-meaning player who tries his best every night, but he's as baffled as you are by his stellar one-night show.
She's everything you've ever looked for in a girl. Witty, intelligent, attractive, and she can even out-DPS you. Most people think she's a guy because she curses like a sailor and talks about disgusting things with all of the boys. Because of this, she does not reap the same benefits as The Attractive Female. Desperately wants to be in a relationship like The Happy Couple. Rarely talks in Ventrilo, but when she does it's impossible to shut her up (see Mr. Mic-less). Usually plays a caster, but if she's melee, she's probably a rogue. Pretty bad altoholic, but usually chooses perfecting her main character over leveling new characters. She's also single. But she has experience, and is into some things you have a fetish for. And she's good at them, so she says, and the way she describes them make you inclined to believe her. Maybe she's joking, but every joke has a hint of truth, right? Did we mention she's single? It's too bad she's only 16.
The guy that always gets excited when something new drops and will often link what the boss, the raid is currently on, drops. Lives by a "get loot fast" rule. Unlikely to pass small upgrades. Usually manages to miss the very best items because he is always at -dkp. May be closely related to the kid. See also The Beggar.
So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play or at least usually. His playing time is unpredictable getting grounded by his parents at least twice a month but he can play. Will often pull many mobs and defeat them all. Nearly always dps.
The Friend of the Kid
Applies for guild two weeks after The Kid gets in, including that The Kid is a longtime member that recommends him. Goes berserk about any purple linked in guild chat, heaven help you if an orange shows up, regardless if his class can use it or not. Unfortunately, unlike The Kid, he cannot PvE for a damn.
The Kid's Little Brother
Shares much of The Kid's talent. Sometimes is better than him, although is probably two or three years younger than him. He doesn't understand much and if he dies will begin an argument with The Kid. May result in wipes.
The Other kid
Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.
The Lying Kid
This guy claims to be 25, despite his squeaky voice on vent (if he ever actually talks on vent), and the fact that he's an LOLWUTter. His gear is decent, save for some level 36 ring or trinket he's wearing. Likely an Elf, though he may be a Tauren or a Gnome. Oftentimes a Rogue or a Hunter.
Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. Thought to able to drink more than any other drunks. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.
The Player Who Doesn't Do His Homework
Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?"
Mr. We're Not Gonna Do It
The player that says we can't do it after four attempts. Each attempt got you 15% closer to winning, but each attempt got Mr. Glass Half-Empty 15 decibels louder in voicing their discontent of repair bills and how impossible the encounter is without certain gear/raid make-up. Can sometimes be confused with being an Elitist. See also The Lootwhore.
A semi-competant player, not the best but certainly not the worst. Has a good raid attendance but always blames his failing internet connection when he dies, yet somehow is always clearly heard on vent by panic statements of "Oooooo Shit" and "What the Fuck". Typically dies to shockblast/void zones/fire. Usually a Tank or DPS and is a major source of wipes.
Kept insisting that you were going to need a melee group for BT, despite the fact that melee was dreadful for SSC/BT. Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved by the most devout.
The Most Devout
This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He's the Disc Priest or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite deity that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.
The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
This person likes alcohol, and tries one day to be like The Drunks. This person, however, cannot hold their liquor if their life depended on it. One beer or one shot will get them loopy. Then comes the fun, i.e. DPSing sheep, dropping big heals on people who don't need them, not moving out of stuff or other bad performances. Will probably have to log before the second or third boss because they're too drunk to go on, and are making too many mistakes anyway. This will probably result in the raid falling apart due to the Lightweight's prominence as an uber-healer or uber-DPSer. You will never see a Lightweight tank.
Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Almost always die at the Safety Dance or Frogger in Naxxramas. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun than everyone else combined.
The Traitor Stoner
Was at one point a prominent Stoner, until they had to get a real job, or had a baby, ran out of drug-cash, or made a New Year's Resolution. They are secretly bitter about this, and are jealous of the other Stoners buzz. As a result, s/he may feed one or two Stoners whispers, resulting in much hilarity (and many headaches for the Raid Leaders). Normally well behaved and competent, but may not let go of grudges easily. Good luck if this guy is also the Lootwhore. Would make a good Instigator if they were a bit more spiteful.
The Surprisingly Good Stoner
Often comments on how they're high as a kite for the raid, and - much to the surprise of everyone, including the Stoner - tops the meters. Usually a melee DPS, particularly a Ret pally.
The Prima Donna
Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role, like shooting down ice against Anub'arak, tanking zombies against Gluth, or interupting Lord Jaraxxus. Might be a mage tank, manglebot, manabattery, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 65,000 buffed HP, s/he’s out. Not a stoner. If the Attractive Female had any actual skill, she could easily be mistaken for the Prima Donna.
Mr. Quiet Contempt
Has two modes, neutral and disappointed. Always wants to continue, never complains when raid is ended. You're never progressing fast enough for this guy, and if asked, he generalizes about not expecting 100% from everyone. Deeply hateful person who plays for better gear, but couldn't say why
The Chick with the Accent
Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britain/New Zealand/France/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.
The Healing Pallie
Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, a shadow priest, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.
The Easily Distracted Healer
He's been with the guild for as long as anyone remembers. He means well and when he's focused he heals well too, but is often the cause of a wipe when his attention is drawn away from the fight. He apologizes profusely but you think he may have forgotten his medication the morning of the raid.
Swears profusely about everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. He'll swear when your group is idle in front of the two beginning giants. This dude can be very funny, especially if he has an accent. He's almost always drunk and will usually tell you he's drunk multiple times. He may in fact be the face of the drunks. If this guy explains boss fights, he can be the highlight of the raid. "Ok, the boss is gonna enrage every f***ing minute, or some s**t. Then the boss'll shoot some f***ing fire out his ass, or his nutsack, or something like that. Avoid the f***ing fire, kill the f***ing adds, keep tranq shot up or whatever the hell we have tonight, and we all get some f***ing marks and gear. Got it?" Sometimes related to the Douche, but he's usually not that spiteful.
Provides good entertainment for your raid. Does impressions, tells jokes, sings/raps, plays sound clips... you name it, this guy does it over Vent. His main flaw is that he will do this at the worst times, including in the middle of boss fights. This guy can overlap quite easily with The Curser.
The Guy That Yells Too Damn Loud
Can't ever control his volume in Vent. Good, Bad, whatever the situation is he's probably screaming loudly about it. If he fiddles with his outbound, either you won't hear him at all or your speakers/headphones will explode.
The exact opposite of The Guy That Yells Too Damn Loud. Often just loud enough to have a muffle noise come over vent, and nothing more. You crank your volume up to max, and you still hear nothing. Inevitably, 90% of the raid will be able to hear him/her just fine, leading you to think that maybe you have the volume issues. This person will come into two flavors: 1) S/He is actually a really timid person, and the volume represents that in a poetic way, or 2) This person is amazingly confident and bossy, and just doesn't have the setting correct. Regardless, by some cruel fate, this person will be the one to have discovered a new strategy that might make the fight go a lot easier, and you will have to listen to them. You end up killing yourself just so you can watch other people do the fight, trying to pick up on what WQ might have said. You also find yourself praying that a new initiate will show, so that dear leader (who is never quiet) can explain the fight to them, thereby letting you understand, too.
You won't know he's in your raid until he explodes. He may get into a few minor conflicts in the guild/raid but probably won't be suspected of anything. When he's pushed too far, he will wipe the raid outright, or worse, ninja a boss's loot when you're doing FFA. Rarely gets into a different guild/raid.
Mr. 4Chan/Ytmnd/WoW.com Forums
Thinks every internet fad they've ever seen or heard about is the most hilarious thing in the universe, and has to share it with the Raid. He has a massive amount of internet knowledge, has millions of pictures, and can bring up any oft-repeated phrase for hours at a time for no reason. Going from ' no wai ' to ' naga stole my [arcanite reaper] ' to ' [perdition's blade] GOES HERE D: ' golemagg doesn't change facial expressions!, ' he's sometimes funny, but the humor wears thin the 90th time you've said a raid command in /rs and he's /yell'd back, ' O RLY? '
Doesn't talk in Vent or Teamspeak-- always in /raidchat, and always in full capital letters. Often times wants attention, but rarely gets it. TALKS LIKE THIS.
Insists that he has push-to-talk enabled but 5 minutes later... hoh... PAH! hoh... PAH!
The Undergeared Slacker
This is the player who, for whatever reason, will only put out 33% of the DPS or healing of any other player with the same role. While not being AFK. This player is also likely to roll or spend DKP on the worst possible items for his/her class or role. You would love to drop him from the raid, but you don't have enough bodies to do so.
Mr Dangerously Daring
This guy likes to ride on the edge. He'll start DPSing before everyone else claiming he won't get aggro. He'll stand ridiculously close to the mobs while the raid is drinking. He likes to stand in odd places during the fight to maximize his range or mechanics. Always blames someone else when something goes wrong (though maybe not publicly.) Whatever he does, it's not what the raid leaders ask, but he'll always assert he knows what he's doing and it's okay. Often Mr. Micless. Usually good at what he does, but will occasionally cross the line and wipe the raid. Leeroy Jenkins is an example of this failing.
The Poor Dude
There's always at least one of him. Never has any gold for repairs or pretty much anything. Always shows up to your raid with broken or damaged gear, usually demanding a repair bot by Magmadar or Vael and then asking for gold for the repair. Seems to either be trying to borrow gold or paying back a debt at all times. Constantly nags the raid leader about letting him hold the Lava Cores for "safekeeping." However, usually if this guy ever has fully repaired gear he is pretty good.
The Departed Legend
You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker, but you're not totally sure.
The Departed Epic Failure
This person also was around before your time, but people still love to tell stories about him. He constantly wiped runs and raids by doing the stupidest things imaginable. He always had something to say on any given subject, even if it's only knowledge from a friend of a friend. He has few redeeming qualities, such as playing the role of The Clown and providing comedic relief, usually at his own expense. That's probably why your GM kept him around longer than everyone would have liked. Finally got booted for doing something stupid that was just serious enough for the GM to have a good reason to remove him. May also be The Kid and/or the Ass Kisser.
You think he/she's the greatest fighter alive, but is too busy roleplaying to actually fight. Tends to say things like: "The vile spirits that roam within Naxxramas must be cleansed! Kel'thuzad will pay for his crimes to the Alliance, and those who stand with him shall feel the sting of our blades and the fury of our spells. Today, a fatal blow will be dealt to the Scourge. Attack! For Bolvar! For the Kirin Tor! FOR THE ALLIANCE!!!!" Normally, there is nothing wrong with roleplayers. However, some people may get annoyed at that one guy who, in the middle of a boss fight, leaves his character on auto-attack just so he can write a long monologue on how much he hates that boss because it killed his mother, father, and little baby elekk. This guy's speeches are worse then Tirion Fordring's ICC intro. Most likely knows at least 90% of all Warcraft lore, and gets annoyed at people who refer to Malygos as female. Commonly a draenei or a Forsaken. Is NEVER a gnome or troll.
"If only (insert name) was here..." is heard often about this person, if and when they're on you will see them constantly being badgered for requests for help, probably a tank. Will most likely soon become a Departed Legend just so he can get some peace and quiet.
The Disgruntled Raider
Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn't realize that whining is making things worse. No one really cares how undergeared he now is, since he was most likely mediocre at best, and never meshed well with the group's style. May end up become an instigator. Officers pray for a /gquit.
The Escape Artist
Apologizes profusely for having to drop from a raid half way through but he just has to go and he's really, really sorry. Only afterwards do you realize he ****ed off with half the raid's shards and loot.
The Warlock Whisperer
Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. Strangely, is good at moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.
Maybe it's the accountant in the guild, maybe not, but whoever it is, this person falls asleep at the keyboard almost every raid. Usually indicated by them running straight into the next pull, or into a wall if combat already started. The raid leader still invites him though because secretly he wants a scapegoat reason to end raids so he can get some sleep too.
Mr. E. Bay
Used to be a regular reliable raider but suddenly stopped playing for a month without warning. When coming back he wants to raid but won’t speak in vent anymore and keeps the wrong spec gear equipped. Will not have a threat meter installed anymore and won’t know how his buffs work. Says LOL a lot.
This person loves to talk about their main character that is in another, more progressed guild (possibly in the other faction) and how your guild doesn’t stand a chance in that level of content. He still expects you to gear him and oddly his performance is decidedly ‘average’. Sometimes, the "cutting edge" strategy his other guild employs against this same boss will crash and burn spectacularly. If it does, expect him to talk about how it works better in 25 man than 10 man (or vice versa), the group needs better gear, the group needs a different makeup, etc. Bonus points if it was HIM who wiped the raid.
The Engineer Joker
This is the guy that shows up for every raid with smoke flares. Any time someone comes back from a 3 minute bio there are no less than 60 smoke flares on the ground. It's always a challenge to fight a boss when he's engulfed in green and purple smoke. Seems to think that steam tonks do massive amounts of damage via mines at the feet of mobs. Can't stop talking about grenades and ROFLcopters in vent.
The Eye of Kilrogg Guy
During any break, whether it be a buff break, boss break, afk break, you name it, he will be playing with his eye of kilrogg. Has been known to pull enemies and bosses in this way, wiping the group. Often the only guy left alive after one of these wipes, because he knew what was happening and he got out FAST. Will generally laugh his ass off in vent when this happens. Can be an Eyes of the Beast hunter in certain situations.
Almost certainly bound to a convenient mouse button, this person will spend every possible moment jumping for no particular reason other than his own amusement. Often using the markings on the floor to see how far he jumps, he finds the tiled floor outside Ironforge bank, or the series of steps in the centre of Undercity especially temping. Most commonly afflicted by this condition are bored healers who are just grateful for a reason to look up from their raid bars for a moment. Related to the Bouncer.
The guy who constantly tells everyone how bad they suck at the game, have no skill, and is generally abusive to everyone but his core friends. Guild leaders keep the "a hole" because he provides two main benefits: 1. he has a core group of friends (usually the best raiders in the guild because he doesn't talk smack on them) that would /gquit if you kicked him. 2. You typically laugh your ass off at his smack talk as long as you are not the target. Useful for getting /gquits from the guild. Bad because he's an ahole. Similar to the Douche, but about one thousand times worse. If he's ballsy enough to insult the officers, and one of them messes up, he may turn into ...something bad. In this case, the gkick is coming out, regardless of how many friends he has.
The Zerg Puller
Runs through trash like police are at the door and he has to hide the miniature horse dressed in studded black leather in the back bedroom. No icons, no warning, and often with himself at 30% and healers out of mana and he's pulling the next 3 trash mob packs. Only time a break happens is when he goes afk for more booze or passes out during a Single Mom story.
Even if this person does top damage and dps in the raid, he is convinced he can do better or that the guild could do better. He is nearly impossible to make happy, and frequently is self-absorbed about himself in general. He is generally a really good player, but he is convinced that no matter what, anything could be better then whatever he just did/the raid just did.
The Great Raider
In a raid, this person follows directions; he only needs things explained once; has a firm grasp of the game mechanics (it's not rocket science, after all); he rarely complains; knows how other classes work and how they mesh with other classes.. sometimes better than the people playing that class; will pass on loot if he knows it will benefit the raid for said loot to go to someone else. The problem with The Great Raider? HE REFUSES TO RAID! He's burned out, or he has family responsibilities, or he rather prefers pvp. Related to the Backup and the well-liked PUGer
Takes anything and everything said and twists it into an innuendo, some more subtle than others. His mind resides firmly in the gutter and what few minds weren't there before he spoke create an almost audible splash when they hit it and hit it hard. Source of much entertainment, especially late at night or when drunk, as long as he doesn't carry things too far. Keep away from the Kid and the Other Kid or you may lose them to parental aggro. Often overlaps with the guy who swears a lot, the token gay raider, and (oddly enough) the Homophobe. Often the one who gets the drunks, the stoners, and the cool girl on their discussions.
The Hungry Dude
Not much to say about this person, except that you better get used to hearing the phrase 'afk a mo guys, gonna grab a snack/drink' during EVERY SINGLE OFF MOMENT. If he doesn't have food, he will go get it immediately after a pull is finished. When he returns he will type in something like "mmmm" or "nomnomnom" and describe the latest delicacy to the rest of the raid. No one asked him what he was getting, and no one cares. Most of the time will not do this during pulls, so many people aren't too annoyed by him. The fact that all of his meals take place in front of the computer alludes to some considerable skill and this guy will usually be pretty good. See Stoners.
Often related to The Hungry Dude. However, rather than eating at the computer or going AFK to get food, this guy has the Well Fed buff, if-ya-know-what-I-mean. As such, will have to AFK for bios more than everyone else in the raid put together (even the Drunks). Sometimes wipes a raid just because he had to pee that bad.
Dies every pull, and every boss, but never runs back and spams the raid chat with "rez plz". Hated by all that can rez except the Necromancer, most of the time a huntard. A hunter will Feign Death long before he dies; this guy is a huntard. Other possibilities for the Lazyass are rogues, death knights, Enhancement shammys, DPS warriors and Retadins who are a bit squishier than normal, and the healer who doesn't pay attention to the bad stuff.
The one rezer that is always the first to run back once a wipe happens, but never rez's anyone but the Lazyass for some inexplicable reason. Normally a DPS class with some healing capabilities.
The New Guy
Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild in <insert guild name here>." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week, after grabbing a nice piece of gear on the way. You wonder if he'll be telling his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes."
He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there.
The Buff-less Wonder
Plays a class with group buffs, but "forgets" to bring the necessary reagents. Highly skilled at turning a deaf ear and blind eye to buff assignments. If reminded, will proceed to slowly buff people one by one until someone else is overwhelmed by frustration and does it for them. This guy is also likely to have spent talent points in places that would ensure that his buffs are better than anyone else's. May be related to the EBay account guy, in which case, he just doesn't know that group buffs are possible.
Ever notice that you always have underwater breathing in ICC, or wonder why all the hunter pets are levitating? It's this guy. Usually someone who doesn't have/isn't assigned actual buffs. Ironically, is unlikely to cover for The Buff-less Wonder .
This is the guy who will not shut up on vent. Ever. It doesn't matter if you are buffing up or farming trash or killing a progression boss, he just can't seem to get the idea through his head that nobody really gives a damn about his buddy's new iguana. At least 50% of everything said on your vent in a given raid is said by this person. Nobody can stand the guy, but unfortunately, nobody wants to kick him either, because he's invariably one of your best and most dedicated players. Possibly even a solid candidate to be an officer, if everybody weren't so terrified of what might happen if the guy had justification to talk even more. Related to the Vindictive Hunter, the guy who's always eating, and the short-attention-span healer. The Clown is similar, though the Clown is a funny-but-mediocre player, whereas the Loudmouth is a good-but-annoying player.
The Ready-Check Masher
Usually an officer or a leader of some sort. Usually made a raid assist (rarely a raid leader). He needs to know if you're ready. All the time. "Is everyone buffed?" Ready Check. "Does everyone know the fight?" Ready check. "Do we have a soulstone up?" Ready check. "Are you all SURE you know the fight?" Ready check. "Are we ready to engage?" Ready check. "Do the Tanks have their marks?" Ready check. "You all sure you know your positions, right?" Ready check.
Ready check. "Sorry about that, hit it by mistake. But is everyone ready?"
Often the first to die or call a wipe after someone bites it.
There's usually someone who will openly defy this guy and NOT click ready when the check comes up, holding up the entire raid until this gets sorted out. Can be good for making a point, but do it too often and some other people will let you know about it.
Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!
This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. The toon he sucks the least with may even be an Officer. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror.
Has a female toon. Claims to be female. Receives many of the benefits that the other females do, people are nice to her; she gets suspiciously good loot. Problem is, she's never posted a picture of herself, and she never talks on Vent. Could she really be a girl? Sure. But who's to know?
Also plays a female toon. Unlike the Tootsie, however, he makes no effort to hide the fact that he is male in real life. Often has a very deep voice and will talk in Vent displaying characteristically male behaviors, such as swearing, bossing people around, insulting his guildmates, and bragging about his DPS. Often his justification is that he'd rather stare at a girl for hours on end than a guy (which makes you wonder how often he gets out, or whether he's ever had a girlfriend for that matter). It takes you a while to realize that that macho voice is actually a female toon, at which point you feel a bit of shame inside knowing that that elf you've been oggling is as manly as they come. See drunks, above. Unfortunately, they are likely to be fantastic to the point that you can't get rid of them.
The Dumbest Person On The Planet
No one's quite sure exactly what's wrong with this guy, perhaps human evolution really has come to a standstill. Will be the cause of 60% of your wipes until he gets a /gkick. Tell him to spread out and he'll glue himself to a squishy healer. Tell him to avoid something and he'll stand in it till dead, then complain that he didn't get any heals. Ask him to CC the yellow star and he'll pick the orange circle then claim bleeding wounds debuff on his target. Frequently RL friends with an officer.
The 95% Raider
This guy usually is on his game, though occasionally he will do extraordinarily stupid things that will make you question whether or not he's at his keys. Symptoms include attempting to sap a mob without being stealthed, blinking into Aran's room (causing a wipe), not having Righteous Fury up while tanking, and/or Soulstoning themselves instead of the indicated target. Headache of the The Raid Leader, often a drunk or stoner.
The Obvious Explainer
The guy who has read wowwiki, and probably wrote some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are zero) that this guy might shoot fire once in a while, or the hunter adds might shoot arrows at you. He'll warn you that the boss can hit hard, and tell everyone to avoid damage as much as possible. He'll tell the DPS to hit as hard as they can without pulling aggro. He'll remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive, and not run out of mana. By the time his explanation of the obvious is over, the spawns have come up behind you and wiped the raid. Strangely, when he's not in the raid you wipe more.
Mister Lucky Bastard
This is the guy who managed to be the only representative of his class that night for whatever reason and THAT'S the night every boss drops his class's loot. Usually followed by a marked dropoff in raid attendance afterwards. Most commonly a Rogue.
The Dead Mage
This spell slinger may or may not be an Undead Mage. Has no idea how to manage aggro and firmly believes that AOE is the solution to every situation. Spends most of the raid face down. The scourge of all healing classes.
The Former Dead Mage
This spell slinger is tired of being dead for most of the fights and spends most of his/her raiding as a passive pet, doing most other duties as buffing and following polymorphing-targets, not to be so easily detected as a slacker. When being yelled at by an officer or raid-leader starts to do some dmg to the target marked as "skull". Is constantly the mage at the bottom of the dmg-meter until the raid gets to a boss. Then starts to dps away. This will put the Former Dead Mage over the tanks on the dmg-meter, but helplessly below the other damage dealers. Tries to make up for this by over-aggroing and dies. Will do even less dps on the trash in the next raid due to this.
The Scary Caster
Plays a mage or a warlock. He rarely speaks. If he's Alliance, he'll be a Human or Draenei. If he's Horde, he'll be a Forsaken. You've never seen him die, and you've never seen him anywhere but the top of the DPS meter, somehow managing to never draw aggro. He's a great player. He also hates you, prima donnas, and possibly the entire guild. Holds onto grudges indefinitely. Will often make seething remarks against melee classes.
The Gnomish Sacrifice
This guy plays a Gnome mage, warlock, or rogue. He plays it really well, but has threat issues. Often enough he forgets to watch the threat meter and pulls aggro. The Raid doesn't wipe, but he sure does. He laughs about it and gets back on with the raid, and has since become a running gag for the guild. The raid now believes they won't do well without his sacrifice early on in the night. If nothing else, he's good to laugh at.
A healer in your guild, constantly asleep and missing raids causing your guild to have to PuG some awful healer who is only half as good. When The Koru is finally dragged into a raid he/she will find a way to consistently be killed by nearly harmless things, and sometimes die from the environment alone. Often The Koru will save a wipe at the sacrifice of their own life. The Koru is very much the healer version of The Gnomish Sacrifice
The Loot Switch
The progression fight subtype of the gnomish sacrifice. His/Her death early on is required for the first kill of any given boss. Usually melee dps. Most of the guild is convinced that a boss will not drop until the loot switch is face down.
Wile E. Coyote "Super Genius"
This is the guy who specializes in figuring out new, interesting ways to die. In combat. Out of combat. Trash. Bosses. It doesn't matter. If this person hasn't died in the last 15 minutes something just feels wrong. This is the guy who found the gap in the railing between Shade and the first Netherspite trash-pull. Twice. He can be healed by every class with some capability in the raid, plus a bandage, and still die. The only Paladin you've ever seen pop his own bubble. Sometimes will catch on to his unfortunate position, and make a game out of it, i.e. jumping off Razorscale's cliff. Often an engineer. See Loot Switcher.
This person is a good healer. Never lets the tank die. Never drops below 70% mana. Occasionally wipes the raid on farm runs when he gets bored and tries to see how low he can let the tank get before the big heal lands. Likes to see exactly how much of the Tank's HP he can heal in one big crit-heal but doesn't always time things right. See also: The Vindictive Healer.
The Vindictive Raiders
These are among your best raiders in the guild. They are always in the top slots. Always. Without fail.
The Vindictive Healer
Usually one of your better healers. Knows everyone in the guild on a first name basis. Has a sharp tongue at times. If you get the better of him verbally, or annoy him in some way, expect to sweat a bit before you get a heal next time you pull aggro. Can sometimes cause wipes if he's talking to the tank.
The Vindictive Hunter
This guy is a damn good hunter. Routinely in the top spots on the DPS charts. He knows what pet, shots, ammo, skills, gear and talents he should be using. He also knows who, what, when, where, how and why to trap and misdirect. At the same time, he's a great, funny guy to be around.
Those who succeed in giving him a tongue lashing or besting him in a war of words mysteriously end up dead during trash and farm boss fights, however.
The Vindictive Tank
Outright amazing tank. Almost entirely indistinguishable from The Backbone except for one notable trait. He tends to get lag spikes. Usually when someone who has annoyed him recently has aggro.
The Insatiable Smoker
This character can be recognized by their raspy voice and frequent cough. Must go AFK after every boss fight to puff away. Asks for more frequent breaks and may be unresponsive at unpredictable times.
This raider is completely incapable of creating an assist macro and fails to recognize the significance of the skull icon. When played by a hunter character expect erratic pet behaviors and prime dps targets to be frozen in blocks of ice.
The Over-confident Rogue
Always runs into trash mobs and attempts to tank with Evasion and Slice and Dice, often making a point to get as much aggro as possible on bosses. Will complain about not getting heals when he dies. Is a major source behind wipes. Inevitably, the one time he IS needed to help tank is the time he'll be unable to hold threat.
The Nostalgic Guy
Long-time member of the guild. Constantly talks about how "they used to do things back in Molten Core". Hardly ever participates in raiding anymore, though the officers refuse to kick him, because, hey, he's cool.
This guy used to be part of the core raiding team of the best guild on the server, but has since been forced to downgrade to you guys because of schedule problems or drama in that guild. Alternatively, he's been with you guys all along and wants to shift to a harder core guild but can't because of said scheduling problems. He's better than all of you, and he knows it, and he's not afraid to say so. Never seen anywhere but the top of DPS/healing meters. Generally makes snide comments at every wipe and argues with other people over strategy. Hates farm raids with a passion and all he wants is to do progress. The only thing he hates more than farm raids are roleplayers ("No one gives a damn about lore.") and the token PvPer ("PvP is for queers."). Nobody admits to like him in public but lots of people suck up to this guy.
The Elitist Wannabe
This guy behaves exactly like the elitist, except he hasn't got the skill to back it up.
The AFK guy
Goes afk at random intervals, commonly before boss fights, oftentimes not notifying the raid, or typing /afk, or just simply alt-tabbed. Is likely a tank or healer. Is a major source of wipes.
The Quote-Unquote Raider
This guy usually feels proud of himself. You see, he's a "raider". When you first talk to the guy, he'll sound pretty competent. He is the cause of a lot of wipes, and he will always form weird excuses, like, the new patch has added a taunt effect to Execute, or that heals have had a new Miss feature. After a full dungeon clear conversations will undoubtedly lead back to him saying "I am so great, I am so great, I can solo so much"... Watch out for the raider...
Often has his mind set on various pieces of gear. If said piece of gear drops, he'll use every excuse in the book to try and get it over everyone else who needs it. Often uses excuses like "It's my birthday." It should be noted that he has about five birthdays a month.
Will start drama at every chance they get, oftentimes over not getting into a raid, or not getting a piece of gear they didn't need. If they ARE participating in Raids, they will complain about why they are just a Veteran and not an Officer, often bringing up the injustice of the Guild Leader having two low-level alts as Officers. Often a Hunter, Druid, Death Knight, or Rogue. Also, see Prima Donna.
Oftentimes plays music over Vent from the new CD he just got, especially during boss fights and important pulls. Is in the guild for about two weeks.
Was once told he/she could sing. Now, must share that amazing talent with the world at every opportunity in Vent, even if the rules prohibit it. On rare occasions, may be given a Karaoke channel. It will never be contained to this. See drunks, Prima Donna.
The Token Mexican
The one Mexican guy in the guild. The drunks will often, halfway through the night, begin making increasingly racist cracks. Sticks around to make subtle "stupid white people" jokes.
Usually the only Aussie in the raid and s/he loves to talk constantly on vent--and people like talking to him/her. Usually a pretty good player. It's always good to have an Aussie in the raid; only good things can come from it. However Aussies are always drunk. If the Aussie overlaps with the guy who swears a lot, no raid, no matter how ineffectual or incompetent, can be considered a failure.
The New Zealander (Or Kiwi)
A rarity in WoW. Sounds remotely similar to a Aussie, guild thinks s/he is a Aussie, but in reality he isn't an Aussie. Hates been called an Aussie, and hates Aussies. May threaten to /gquit if the guild recruits an Aussie. Lags away with 900+ latency, but still manages to be a pretty good player. Often very talkative in vent and is always on at early hours of the morning when everyone else isn't because it's still early in New Zealand. Normally plays a ranged class to avoid death due to lag in melee.
From some distant planet called Newfoundland, it's actually the furthest point east in North America, in Canada. Talks at lightning speed with an accent no one recognizes at first. Other Canadians in the guild will try to offend them by calling them a Newfie, but they'll laugh along with them with out bother. Can't make raids because when it's 9PM where you live it's 12:30 where they are and they have work in the morning. They also have their dailies completed well before you and usually have a stockpile of great trade goods because they're farming before everyone else on the server is awake. They will always be up for doing heroics or raids and usually are talkative and nice to other members of the group, but for the most part their gear will most likely be average, with the exception of the few elite gamers that come from Newfoundland. In order to keep pace with the rest of the people in there guild they most likely will stay up till 4 or 5 am in their time and chat on vent. One last fact about The Newfie, is that they enjoying powerleveling their buddies. So, unless you make friends with them, be ready to pay a little gold. Force help you if they're the Raid Leader but they may be the Prima Donna. See also: drunks
The Account Buyer
You are baffled by the fact that this guy has the full tier and PvP set, yet he doesn't seem to know what "Tank" or "Aggro" means. He also is usually around the first to die. The only reason this guy is still in the guild is because he has epix.
The clueless friend sit-in
Same symptoms as The Account Buyer.
Usually a veteran player with too much spare time on his hands, often with multiple characters with an array of professions within the Guild. Due to handy trading skills and proper use of professions now has more money to spend on wacky stuff than Donald Trump. If his mammoth could be equipped with a golden saddle he'd have it.
Generally observed by other WoW players with a mixture of envy and admiration. Often a good choice as a person to run the Guildbank, if only because he has more money than the rest of the Guild bank and most of his fellow players combined. Tends to sometimes annoy people by going into a "How the hell can you be that poor?" rant. Not very fond of the Poor Dude for obvious reasons.
Will normally be a mid-to-low DPS, possibly an offtank. His gear will be good since he can afford any and all BOE epics he finds in the AH, and/or he can buy other player's DKP with all his gold, and/or other players owe him favors due to him buying their epic flying/mammoth/gems/enchants/etc. Unfortunately, his focus on the random side of the game will make it so that he raids only once in a while, and his DPS is decidedly average versus any other player with only half the gear. He means well, though his enormous amounts of gold and average performance make it so that he is usually a backup raider.
Seems to have at least 11 characters on the server. May not have the best of gear, since he is constantly leveling a new toon. May cause a wipe by forgetting which character he was on. Will often be pretty good but not spectacular at whatever task his "main" (used loosely) is capable of doing, and marginally good at everything else. May or may not be the Poor Dude due to being too busy leveling alts to do dailies and spending what gold he does make on his alts. Not to be confused with the Drunk, who is an Alcoholic.
The Well-Liked PUGer
If a DPSer, Always in the top 20% of DPS, rarely the top. If a healer, keeps the raid alive through heavy AoE. If a tank, will keep aggro. Often just wants one piece of gear, and you feel bad if it doesn't drop. Knows his role in any fight after the first time he does it. Will have to be pushed very hard to express frustration even in a bad run. Will often be part of a failing guild well past the point they stop raiding, because they've "been so good to me", which is why he is PUGing. If he was in your guild, he would be the leader of The Majority, but being a well-liked PUGer, is respected server-wide. Despite being a PUGer, he also will have better gear then most of your core members. Most commonly an Orc or a Dwarf, though Tauren and Night elf druids, Draenei shamans, and BE pallies are also common.
The Worthless Lock
The warlock who, no matter what, will refuse to soulstone a rezzer. Either they will keep forgetting or are too proud to admit the raid may actually wipe. Unfortunately for the Worthless Lock, you do not need shards for the good ol' rape closet, so he will have to summon now. This makes him very raw about it and will still try hold out until he either does it or complains that you don't truly respect how valuable they are and then leaves the raid. This was most common in the old days before an Ony PuG. The Worthless Lock will complain that he/she "Just logged in and didn't have time to farm shards to summon and health stone 39 #$@$%ing people, and the damn dragonkin outside ony's lair don't give soulshards." Enemies of Lazy Bastard. See the elitist.
Every guild/raid has one of these. This is the person who spends more time in trade chat looking at purple and/or legendary items, and linking them to the rest of the guild, than actually trying to acquire said items. If there is a purple item in the game, he WILL link it. The only mod he has installed is Atlas Loot. Friend of the Gay Guy. Enemy of the Homophobe. May be related to one of the many flavors of kids.
The RL Rockettes
Ever notice how the bottom left side of your screen is nothing but a blob of green text whenever you are online, especially when you are raiding? This is due to the RL Rockettes spamming guildchat with everything that happens to them IRL. The RL Rockettes are basically spending $14.99 a month for a really really pretty chat page. They are usually women and never get past the level of 25. When actually invited to a raid they will spend more time paying attention to guildchat, waiting for the other RL Rockette to start yammering on about RL. May cause a wipe for not paying attention, but are unlikely to, since they're usually such a nonfactor that the raid can 9- or 24-man the boss without much problem. Friend of the GM's SO, The Happy Couple and the Stay At Home Mom. Enemy of the Raid Leader and the Negative Officer.
The Verizon Guy
This is the poor lost soul in everyone's guild that just can't get Ventrilo to work. He has it hooked up right, and all the settings are perfect. But it just WON'T WORK. The Verizon guy spends more time trying to get vent to work then actually playing the game. Verizon guy is usually a good raider cause he's used to playing the game without instructions of the Raid leader. Friend Mr. MIC-less, Enemy of the Raid Leader.
The Invisible Man
Either due to their own personal sinister motives or completely by mistake, the Invisible Man may pull a wrong mob, may take aggro off the MT, or may do anything else to wipe the raid. The Invisible Man will execute this so discretely that nobody notices who caused the wipe. Either the MT will be blamed or the healers for "not healing enough" The invisible man is always DPS. Mostly likely a rogue a hunter or a mage.
We all know them as they are very hard to ignore. They are the one who is always telling the GM, the GM's SO, the Raid Leader, and any Officer just how awesome they are and how good their ideas always are. If any one of the listed people above are angry with you for any reason, so will the Ass-Kisser. The first goal of the Ass-Kisser is to make the management happy. Although The Majority can see who the Ass-Kisser is, the management will refuse to see them as the Ass-Kisser but instead just think of them as a nice raider. Most Ass-Kissers have a clear motive in mind.
The One With Low Self-Esteem
For some reason, this guy hates himself. Might be the product of a broken guild. If the raid wipes he will immediately take the blame. Actually a decent player most of the time, but tends to fall off the meter when he feels he's doing a bad job. Requires a lot of gentle reassurance. Frequently DPS. If a healer, he's probably been healing spec his entire career. Never ends up being an officer. Sometimes The Most Devout.
The Young One
Not to be confused with The Kid, above. This person is generally one of the younger (or perhaps youngest) members of a mature guild (a guild that only accepts those who are 18 or older). He/she tends to be indistinguishable from The Majority with the noticeable trait that he/she tends to be on the receiving end of many jokes, but goes with it fairly well mainly because he/she brought it on him/herself, such as stating he/she's never drunk alcohol (if under 21), never been more than buzzed (if over 21), never done drugs, or fails continuously with the opposite sex (might even state that they've never been on a date or gotten laid). They don't often return the jokes, but have been known to score a good hit here and there and as a result they live in fear of The Vindictive Raiders. They mean well and are generally well-liked by the rest of the guild, but at times might do something that makes the officers want to strangle them. At this point they sink into The Majority until the storm is gone. Could also be the One-hit wonder or The Gnomish Sacrifice. Never a drunk or stoner. Possibly despised by The Ass-Kisser because they never appear to go out of their way to get liked by the management, yet are, and if they are on the bad side of the management, it passes without them having to do anything.
This guy is THE "gamer" of the guild. He's usually in his teens, maybe twenties. He has information about everything that has to do with any game system or game. He knows all of his internet memes, along with his class. He can farm for gold, has a tendency to powerlevel people, usually for free. The guy knows his fights, and can do any role when needed, generally plays a hybrid class so he can do everything there is to do. He's quiet and well-mannered, he usually plays either Human, Gnome, Night Elf, Blood Elf, maybe Undead. In real life he tends to be just as quiet, his appearance is kind of emo, but he is a really fair guy. Depending on his age he may or may not drink, and he most definitley doesn't get along with The Douche. Along with filling any role this guy can PvP just as good as he can PvE, and he is probbably one of the few people who can actually play his class without facerolling his way to victory. Usually a Ret Pally, Druid, or Mage. He tends to be The Newfie.
Isn't actually in your guild, but still raids with them anyway. In fact, you swear you've seen them more times then some of your actual guild mates. Probably has been invited to join your guild several times, but always declined. The Stranger knows his stuff; he sometime "borrows" strategies from his other guild when he sees fit. In fact, he fits so nicely into the guild his name is in the DKP list and no one asks questions whenever he gets loot. You secretly wonder why his guild hasn't kicked him out yet.
Allegedly sounds like The Batman, is usally a pro mage or paladin either Gnome or Human.
Either: 1) People who do not see themselves as "raiders" but still end out in the raid group anyway, or 2) People who do not actually raid, but end up influencing the raid group.
Somewhat competent, the Unraider is a vital component to every raid. Only problem: he doesn't see himself as a raider. In fact, he's ashamed of it. Is usually quiet in Vent save the occasional strategy reminder. When the dust is settled, the bosses dead, and the loot distributed, the Unraider says his thanks and disappears into the darkness, most likely to level an alt.
You never see this guy, and you KNOW it's not just because he lives in a different time zone. Somehow he is always absent from all the guild raids and events. The only time you saw him was when you were farming drops overnight.
The Armchair Critic
Somehow managed to sneak into your guild forum and post critiques on the guild's performance even though he was never there. Alternative: will always pinpoint errors in strategy while viewing boss kill videos on YouTube. May not actually play World Of Warcraft.
Has no idea how a game works, much less played one - and he likes it that way. The Anti-Gamer thinks that games are the bane of human existence and would love nothing more then to see every videogame in the world banned (even the educational ones). The only reason you know this person is because HE knows you. Will breath down your neck every second of your raid time. In fact, he once wiped the raid because he suddenly screamed into your microphone about "the evils of videogaming".
The Confused One
There are two types of Confused Ones.
This guy has no idea how to gear himself well. He knows the basics for his class but that's about it. Constantly badgering his class leader if he should roll or not on gear. He never knows which gems or enchants to take. The fascinating thing is however, once he actually is geared, he is going to kick major ass. On the other hand, he knows the boss fights. He's read how to do 'em all, and he has them mastered the first time around. Rarely has to ask twice on how to kill a boss. Might be a drunk or stoner.
The total opposite of Gear Confused. He can gear himself just fine, he knows what enchants and gems to put on his gear, and always knows what he wants and needs to roll on. When it comes to bosses, he'll get it. Eventually. About the 30th time doing the boss. Has a higher chance of being a drunk or stoner than the Gear Confused.
The Third Option
If this raider is both kinds of confused, s/he is probably a different category of raider.
The two DPS in your raid who constantly try to best each other. Almost always a pure DPS class (rogue, hunter, mage, warlock) and frequently of the same class or even the same spec. They'll blow lots of gold on anything that could possibly help them pull higher numbers than their rival. Due to the competition, they both pull ludicrously high numbers and are always 1 and 2 in the raid, though who's in the number 1 spot and who's in the number 2 spot varies between them. May be friends in real life. Or, they could be The Unhappy Couple.
Gear Score Hero
Convinced that a high gear score equals ownage and will pass up upgrades because their gear score will "suffer" otherwise. Probably complains that they can't use GearScore to check what is the most leet toilet paper when they are at the store. Neglects to realize that it takes more than having just good gear to raid successfully. Tends to eat dirt or takes more damage than the tank. Usually a DPS class or spec and wants to do nothing more than just dps if the class can heal and/or tank. Bane of the healing leader and raid leader. If it's the raid leader, (s)he will set an arbitrary gear score requirement to raid, regardless of how well one performs.
The Family is a group of 4-5 people who are all related, and in the same house. They come in two groups:
The Coordinated Family
The Angry Family
They will be borderline abusive to each other, with insults and put-downs that ashame even the Curser. The Gamer may belong to this family, showing that individually, they can be tolerable. Sometimes, though rarely The Vindictive Raiders will be all be members of this family. The Unhappy Couple almost certainly is.
The Social Raider
This person has the rank "social" but seems to get into raids more often than you do. As a social, this person did not have to pass a trial, and almost certainly does not have vent. May play any role, is usually a paladin or rogue. Good luck if s/he's a tank, because adds won't be picked up, and they're not on vent so can't be yelled at. Vent conversations may often include how retarded they are, however.
Did the raid just wipe on trash? It was so-and-so's fault. Did the raid just wipe on <insert farm boss here>? It was so-and-so's fault. It doesn't matter what happens, it's always this guy's fault. Even if he/she is not in the raid at the time. In truth, a well-liked and well meaning member of the guild who once did something so stupid it was actually funny. Usually this involves something like running right past the raid while they're behind the "point of no return" (like the gate before Marrowgar or the veil of smoke on Blood Queen) and face pulling the boss while the rest of the raid watches from safety. Rolls with the punches really well and may even blame themselves from time to time, but prays for somebody to hit that "two week initiation period" so they can get SOME respite from the fire. Lives in mortal fear of The Vindictive Raiders. Probably the Gnomish Sacrifice and/or Young One.
The Portal Goof
This guy is a real joker. He's the one putting up a portal to Theramore instead of a portal to Dalaran, or putting a portal to Stonard over over the existing one to Dalaran in Icecrown Citadel. The Alliance version of this guy may actually end up starting an Onyxia raid, just because everyone ended up in Theramore. The Horde version of this guy may be The Former Undead Mage easing his frustration. In either case, it gets old really fast, especially for some officers. Vindictive raiders will make him pay for his treachery, while others can only complain. Will either leave everyone to fend for themselves or will follow and then put up a portal to Dalaran or wherever.
The Preoccupied Guy
You just wiped because you weren't healed. Yup, it was this guy. He figured being here wouldn't require him to pay too much attention to what he was doing. His macro was a failure, and you wiped while he was playing online poker. Has a tendency to write little to nothing in chat. And the worst part is you can't fire him because he has excellent gear. While the healer version of this guy is the most common, there may also be Preoccupied tanks, who think that just applying more sunders should be enough to hold the boss. The DPS version of this guy is the Unconscious. He may also be related to the old-timer.
The Snarky Guy
Tends to classify everyone in the raid into a dozen or so arbitrary categories. Generally dislikes people of a different ethnic group, females, people older than him, people younger than him, anyone who doesn't listen to his favorite band, people who've played the game longer than he has, people who talk enough, people who don't talk at all, and pretty much everyone in the raid. Mediocre player at best. Spends most of his time editing humorous pages on wowwiki when he should be paying attention to the fight at hand.
Neither Godly nor stupid, neither loud or quiet, neither annoying nor loved. These people will make up the majority of your raid, and watch the soap-opera that is everyone else. Occasionally one will step up and become one of the aforementioned people. They will DPS/heal to an acceptable degree, live through a boss most of the time, and generally not make waves. You will never see a tank of the Majority.